It’s my birthday tomorrow.
Normally my birthday’s don’t phase me, just kind of another day but with cake at some point. But this one, is different.
I’ll be turning 22 tomorrow. Most that know my age comment, Oh, your still so young! You don’t look/act like you’re that young! While this might be true, I might be young in comparison to age/numbers. I don’t feel that age. I’ve packed a lot into my 22 years. Lots of messy, beautiful, crazy, and blessed life.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on my 22 years this week, partly because this is my last birthday with the title of Nicole, and not Mommy.
I’ve been so blessed to have so many different experiences throughout my 22 years. I’ve met so many wonderful people, fostered many positive relationships, traveled around the US and to another country, chased my dreams and married my best friend and encourager. I’ve also hurt a lot of people, said things I’ve regretted, been through the painful divorce of my parents, lived for self indulgence, and have lost contact with many.
The past 2 years have stuck out the most to me in my 22 years, not because they are the most recent, but because I have experienced SO much in the last 2 years. (For those of you just joining me, my parents divorced 2 years ago in December, then I graduated college, got married and landed my first big girl job, and we’re now expecting our first baby.)
While looking back to the ups and downs of the past couple years, I can see now that the Lord knew exactly what He was doing. As my family was falling a part, physically, emotionally and spiritually He was preparing me for something much more beautiful and eternal. He has been strategically placing several different people in my life to help encourage me and make a positive difference. First, He introduced me to my future Husband who has played an instrumental role in my walk with Christ. Second, He welcomed me into His arms on a brisk night in October where I fully gave my life to Him, and helped me to feel peace about the divorce. He whispered that no parent is perfect, except for Him, who is perfect above all things. I can count on Him until the end of my days and into eternity, even when/where my parents have failed. And 3rd, He was crafting one of the most beautiful things on Earth.. and it’s my own family, this little baby nestled inside of me.
I have learned an immense amount about relationships and family within the last couple years, that I’m not convinced I would’ve learned on my own otherwise. The Lord has been preparing my heart for this new addition to our family for a few years now, and I’m just now realizing it. I never would have dreamed 15 years ago that I would be a Mommy at 22. But, only He knows the desires of our hearts… and prepares us for the journey’s we face without us even realizing it.
For those people who have entered my life- Thank you for your individual role you have filled. Each and every one of you has helped me realize the importance and value of relationships. And for those who I’ve lost contact with, disappointed, angered and hurt you. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize the value in those relationships at the time and didn’t fight harder for our friendship. I pray that you have mercy on me, and forgive my actions against you.
It seems as though each year of my life gets more wonderful than the last, and sometimes I’m not sure how I can out do the previous year.
Here’s to another spectacular, messy, wonderful year. Filled with new experiences, life, love and most definitely laughter. And to my Husband- thank you for supporting, encouraging, uplifting, listening, praying, loving and guiding me in this walk we’ve started together. Let’s make this the year, our best yet.
Love to all-Nicole