You know that moment where you lose the breath from your lungs, your heart stops and reality hits you square in the face?
I had one of those (again) recently. The first 2 occurred a few months ago. When my husband was in a horrific traffic accident that shut down the interstate for 9 hours.
Thankfully, my sweet Andrew made it out with a few scratches.. That’s it. We were about 4 months into our marriage and God handed me a big plate of reality. Life is so fragile, and we’ve only got 1 chance. I thank God every day for another day here together with my best friend and encourager.
Unfortunately a sweet sister in Christ of mine didn’t have the same outcome as I did, and this was the 2nd wave of reality that hit me. Her and her husband were both in a traffic accident together, and her husband went to be with Jesus that day, leaving her here to wait with us. They were married just under 6 months. Again, another heaping plate of reality shoved in my face.
This 3rd one.. I about can’t take reality anymore.
A fellow blogger passed away after being involved in a traffic accident. I never met this particular woman in person, but followed her through the social channels, always noticing how beautiful her smile was. It was infectious. She was engaged to be married to her sweetheart soon, and my heart aches for her fiancé, family and close friends.
It’s as if God is constantly reminding me that life is a gift. It’s completely uncertain as to when we’ll be called Home. It also just so happens that all 3 of these events all were involved with traffic accidents and this is why it’s hitting so close to home for me.
I drive around 70 miles one way to work. About an hour on a good day. I do this every day except for when I’m traveling. I’m on the road about 10 hours a week. I’m not complaining. I know this choice is completely all mine.
And here’s what I struggle with. I’m not scared of dying. I know I’ll be welcomed into my Saviors arms and rejoicing with my Lord.
I’m scared of leaving something on the table. I’m scared of not doing enough.
He has reminded me more than once that He has the ultimate control and has our best interests in mind. He knew us in the womb and had His plan for us, wrote out in a roadmap of our life.
Am I doing enough to show my love for Him? Am I using the talents He blessed me with to advance His Kingdom? Will I arrive at the gates with a “Job well done, my servant” as my greeting?
I’ve been praying for a long time for Him to help me to understand how I can faithfully serve Him. How I can advance His Kingdom and encourage His children? What does this look like in my life? — I almost feel as if I’m on the edge of my seat with the answer, but He’s just not quite ready to reveal it to me yet. Or maybe, it has been revealed but I need to be reassured by Him that this is truly His will.
Maybe this blog, my writing is it. Bringing glory to Him through my words.
The truth is, I think I’m scared of what He might be calling me to do. Feeling poorly equipped with limited resources, inadequate. I need to pray for the confidence and courage to carry out God’s will for my life. I need to pray for increased trust in everything. His timing, faithfulness and will for my life.
Here are my parting thoughts…
If I left my worldly dwelling to go Home tomorrow, would I have done enough to honor Him? To show His love? Would there be any question is His mind that I loved my neighbor as much as myself?
How do we do that without ceasing?
How can we use our talents to honor Him daily?
Love to all- Nicole